Making Your Brother Your Best Friend*

by Tiffany S.
from Virtuous Daughters, January 2005~Volume 4, Number 10

"Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!  It is like the precious ointment upon the head, that ran down upon the beard… that went down to the skirts of his garments; As the dew of Hermon, and as the dew that descended upon the mountains of Zion: for there the LORD commanded the blessing, even life evermore.”-Psalm 133

One of the biggest keys to making your brothers your best friends is to love them.  Being the oldest of five children, I often “set the mood," and it can be difficult at times to show love and patience. I can say with confidence, however, that my three wonderful brothers are among my best friends.  We ​enjoy being together and like to do fun things. With each brother, our friendship is special in its own unique way. For example, Justin and I are more prone to sit and chat, while Gideon prefers to show me his farm he set up in the playroom, and Ethan wants me to read him a book. I cherish each of my brothers and thank God for them. 
     
It is sad to me when I hear girls speak negatively of their brothers. Their complaints and selfish words bring grief to my heart. Why do they fail to see the beautiful friendship with their brothers that is so near them at this time in their life? God’s Word tells us that it so wonderful when brothers and sisters get along and become close friends! Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” While outside friends are wonderful and indeed provide doses of encouragement and love, a brother is simply different. I have found my brother, Justin, one of my most encouraging and loving friends! Often when I am discouraged, he will encourage me and cheer me up in sweet ways. 

So how do you make your brother your best friend? As I said earlier, the key is taking the focus off of what your brother can do for you, but what you can do for your brother. Several years ago I struggled with this very principle. I was expecting one of my siblings to treat me a certain way, yet God taught me that I needed to shift my focus and learn to love my siblings. I needed to find out what I could do for them. This brought me closer to my siblings and really strengthened our relationship. I began to delight in doing kind things for them, and it was a real joy!

I would like to give some pointers on the brother-sister relationship that I have learned from the Scriptures. They are very practical, yet have really helped improve and strengthen my relationships with my brothers.

• “Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and Thy right hand hath holden me up, and Thy gentleness hath made me great.”-Psalm 18:35 We start with this verse of gratitude written by David because it reveals to us a very important truth: God’s gentleness, His meekness, was one of the  things that made David the strong man of God that he was.... 


• “Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.  Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven…And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye?  Either how canst thou say to thy brother, ‘Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye’, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in Thine own eye?  Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother’s eye.” –Luke 6:36-37, 41-42

• “A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.”-Proverbs 15:1 This goes along with being gentle. Very often when two siblings are arguing about something, if one of them will give a soft answer: “Okay, you’re right.  I’m sorry; we won’t worry about it anymore.” The dispute soon ceases, and everyone is happy again. Give a soft answer in place of words of defense next time your brother agitates you. The result is wonderful! “Hatred stirreth up strifes, but love covereth all sins.”-Proverbs 10:12

• “A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.”-Proverbs 16:28  If you truly love your brother and desire to have a strong friendship with him, you will not gossip about him or speak words of dishonor and disgrace of him. Gossip is a sin that many girls struggle with, and we should be sure to keep ourselves out of this terrible mess! The best of friends can become like enemies if they are stirring up unkind words about them. Remember that “A brother offended is harder to be won that a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.”-Proverbs 18:19

• “He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.”-Proverbs 17:9  Here again we are warned that even close friendships can sadly crumble if love is not practiced. Do you desire and seek love in your relationship with your brother? If so, you will not delight in telling your friends or even talking about his struggles in life. And while there may be necessary times to express something wrong your brother did to your parents, do not be a “tattle-tale," or always be bringing things to your parents. Your brother will appreciate you more if you strive to forgive him and forget his flaws. Put those things aside, just as God looks at you and sees His Son, Jesus Christ.

• “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”-Proverbs 18:24 We are back to the character quality love. If you desire your brother to love you and be a close friend to you, then you must love him and be a close friend to him. Forget about yourself, and take interest in your brother’s interests. Soon you will enjoy doing activities with him that you normally do not like simply because you are with him. I don’t enjoy building model airplanes, but I do enjoy going out to the garage and spending one-on-one time with Justin while he builds them. I don’t care for reading about Curious George :), but I do like to read about him when it is to Ethan. I have outgrown our farm set, but when I am making a horse run for Gideon (my "Pal"), it becomes fun! If we desire friendships with our brothers, we must be friends to them in a way that they appreciate.

• “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”-Proverbs 21:19 Brittany wrote about this in her article, but I wanted to touch on it as well. No one appreciates nagging, brothers in particular. And the Bible does not speak favorably of a woman who is contentious. “A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.”-Proverbs 27:15 Drip, drip, drip. You have probably been around someone who could fit this description well because of his or her constant nagging and complaining. Strive to be a cheerful and loving sister, not one that brings discouragement and irritations. Instead of becoming best friends with your siblings, you may end up giving them the desire to be on the roof or in the desert. :) “It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.”-Proverbs 25:24

• “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.”- Proverbs 17:22 Laughter is one of the best ingredients to a strong and long-lasting friendship among siblings. Brothers and sisters who are always bickering and arguing or picking on each other are only creating malice and tension, and it will create a permanent sadness and brokenness in their lives. Instead, be happy and cheerful; laugh together. I love to laugh with my brothers and sister and parents. Recently Justin and I were left to make supper because my parents decided to go grocery shopping, and we were making turkey pot pie. (Shortly after Thanksgiving! :)) We had a hilarious time cooking together! We definitely ran into a few problems and made a few messes, but it was fun. We were laughing so hard by the time it was in the oven. I can testify by my own experiences, that laughter is a wonderful dose of medicine, and it almost always takes away my discouragement or stress. Be sure to laugh with your brothers lots of times every day!

 
Sisters, it is my earnest prayer that your relationship with your brother is not a weak one, but a strong one. Can your brother lean on you when he is down and be confident in your wise counsel and sincere love? Is your brother among your best friends? If not, begin now to form that friendship with him, because it is one of the most beautiful and blessed friendships that God will ever give you!