Living as an Adult Daughter at Home
"Waiting on the Lord" Series
from Virtuous Daughters, January 2016~Volume 15, Number 10
What a great joy it is to be a woman! God certainly had a marvelous plan in mind when he created each of us. We are born into a family and we normally grow up there with love, protection and provision. Our direction in life is usually very clear.
My oldest sister married not too long after she graduated from high school; therefore her direction in life was very obvious. Not all of us, however, will marry quite so young. If we don’t marry right after graduation, does this leave us with no purpose in life? Has God abandoned us? Of course not! (Hebrews 13:5b...“I will never leave you, nor forsake you.”)
God is sovereign. ( Isaiah 46: 9-10) He has a plan for all of our lives which we may not understand now but we will someday realize that His plan was perfect. (1 Corinthians 13:12...“For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.”)
I have been living, for several years now, as an adult daughter in my parent’s home. I’m not sure why God has taken me down this path rather than another path. Sometimes I wonder if He kept me here so that my younger sister would still have a sibling at home rather than being raised as an only child. Could it be that I will hopefully be more mature when I do marry than I would have been a few years ago? Could it be that the man God wants me to marry isn’t ready to marry yet? What if none of these are true? :)
I do know that God has given most of us a desire to marry and raise a family for the glory of God and that this is a good desire. (Proverbs 18:22...“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 10:31...“Whether therefore you eat or drink, or whatsoever you do, do all to the glory of God.”)
Your years in your parent’s home are years that you will never get back. As in all of life, you certainly will not ever be able to relive them! (Let’s really consider Psalm 90:12...“So teach us to number our days that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.” Also, Ephesians 5:15-16...“See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time because the days are evil.”) These days are meant to be productive and fruitful! If you think that there is nothing to do at home, that is a sure sign that you need to increase your vision about God’s purposes for the home! (For the scope of this article, I will not list the hundreds of possibilities and ways that God would use our homes for His glory.)
Let’s talk about some things that might be important to understand if you are an adult daughter living in your parent’s (and your!) home.
#1 We need to understand parental authority and with this comes submitting ourselves to their leading. We will always be under some kind of authority. It is important to be open and honest with them about our struggles and we should definitely be open to their counsel and advice. It is vitally important that we learn to communicate well since we just might need that skill someday! :)
I have to admit that there are days that it is difficult to humble myself and surrender my will to my parents’ wishes and desires. It is very easy and tempting to start thinking of myself as old enough to decide for myself and wise enough to make my own choices.
Of course, as children grow up, it is normal for parents to allow them more liberty to be an adult and make wise decisions. (1 Corinthians 13:11...“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”) So be responsible and earn a trustworthy reputation that will allow them to give you these liberties! We are their reward! (Psalm 127:36)
Of course, we have to be teachable and we have to be patient with our parents. There is a learning curve and it can be challenging for parents to adjust to living with adults instead of what they were used to when you were a child living under their care. We definitely need to honor our parents. (Ephesians 6:2-3) God gave us parents for our own benefit and protection, to help guide us and teach us along this path of life.
God knew exactly which parents each of us would need and also which siblings we would have. Isn’t it amazing to think about God sovereignly orchestrating everything for our good instead of it all just being by chance or coincidence?
When we have an understanding of authority, so many things fall into place. We will be able to rest comfortably knowing that in a situation where we desire something that our parents don’t agree with, we can simply give it over to the Lord and not argue about it. Pray about it. If it is meant to be, God will work on our parents hearts, or if not, He will have worked through them for our safety and protection. Either way, we can trust God and our parents to help guide us.
#2 We need to find opportunities to assume responsibility and areas where we can take jurisdiction with our parents’ blessing. This is one of the amazing ways in which we can invest, bless and minister to each member of our family and it is a role that is an honor to be active in.
There are so many needs in a household that have to be met and so many loads and burdens that you as an older daughter can help to lift off the backs of your parents. With your help, they can do a better job at what God has called them to do and your whole family will benefit. This will produce fruit for all eternity!
Let’s face it girls, there is a lot of pressure that our parents face on a day to day basis. We want to be about our Father (heavenly Father’s business) as well as our father and mother (earthly father and mother’s business). You see, by serving our family and investing in our precious God given role as a daughter at home, (which is a very biblical role for a daughter) we are being about our heavenly Father’s business and serving Him! Isn’t that a sweet and amazing thought?
We need to be careful and cautious of seeing our time as our own selfish time and our life as our own personal life. We are a very selfish generation and it’s easy to get caught up in “my schedule of my activities, goals and desires.” Life would be very different if we asked ourselves “How can I be a blessing to my family and take on roles and responsibilities that will really bless, help and add to my family’s well being?
#3 Let’s discuss why living at home is ideal.
I know this decision certainly has caused people to question my life. In the world’s eyes, it is far from normal for a girl in her mid to late twenties or even older to still be living at home with her parents. Facing the questions, confused looks and even horrified or disgusted reactions, is something you have to come to terms with. It is far more important to be concerned with what the Lord thinks, what scripture has to say and what your parents and authorities desire for you.
The scripture is very clear that we are to honor God before men and please Him alone. (Acts 5:29) When you really get that thinking solid and clear in your mind, it makes the rejection and even persecution a lot easier to take.
Let’s talk about some benefits we enjoy by living in our parents home. There is great security and satisfaction in living with our family. What’s amazing is that as a daughter at home, we have so many blessings and benefits that we very possibly may be taking for granted. I think if we really took the time to look at some of these, we would walk away rather amazed!
For one, we have built-in support teams! Isn’t that a blessing? For instance, when we’re undergoing a project, there is usually someone there to help us out with it. This is something we should be grateful for and realize that we may not have forever. Both of my older sisters are now married and have found out that most things do take much longer and are more difficult when there are less hands available! And that’s ok too, because that’s God’s plan as well. I’m just trying to get us to see what blessings we have now as unmarried daughters still serving at home.
We also have companionship and listening ears (someone to always talk to), we have prayer warriors, people living with us that truly care and seek the Lord in regard to our well being. We have companions who are built in best friends! If that doesn’t describe your parent/parents and siblings, you might want to think of ways to invest more in those relationships. We have accountability partners, people to help us with our struggles and challenges.
So what better time to practice this than now? Let’s face it, relationships take work. They take the investment of a lot of time, honesty, trust, love and prayer. Right now, you have the opportunity to work on the relationships that God has put directly in your lap.
We also have a certain amount of protection from the enemy. Satan is going about seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8). He wants to get us independent and unsatisfied at home, restless and depressed as unmarried women. He wants to steal our joy and make us feel unfulfilled and without purpose or direction.
The truth is, ladies, we have so much potential right here at our finger tips! We have safety and protection under our fathers, not only physical safety but also spiritual and emotional protection. In the world, there are a lot of temptations and arrows from the enemy that play on our hearts and emotions.
#4 We must avoid a discontent attitude toward our parents’ way of managing the home and family. We need to realize that even though we are grown women and have motherly instincts, to do things the way we would do them as a wife and mother, we must be patient and content while waiting on the Lord’s timing in giving us a home of our own. This certainly doesn’t mean we are handicapped and paralyzed before we have the role of being in charge of our own household. No indeed, for certainly we can be very fruitful, vigilant and industrious as we respectfully ask for the roles that we can take ownership of. The more we display confidence and capability by our actions, the more our parents will trust us and give us more freedoms to make responsible choices.
Most likely there are choices that your parents make that you may or may not agree with and this might even be helpful to you to learn by their mistakes and actions. Certainly, we do have ample opportunities to reflect inwardly on how we may do things differently in our household someday. God uses our experiences today to prepare us for the future. As Corrie Ten Boom once said “Every experience God gives us, every person He puts into our lives is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see.”
So go ahead and take note and be prayerful about your futures. Ask God for His wisdom to help guide you and His strength to help you through the trying and difficult days ahead. Never underestimate the power of prayer. The world needs more mighty prayer warrior women who hold strongly to what they believe and are ready to face the unexpected!
It is highly important that we trust God with feelings of desiring a home and family of our own to tend to. God knows the desires of our hearts and He can be trusted to lead us down the path that He knows is best for each of us. It might not be exactly the path or plan that we had in our own mind, but wouldn’t we rather trust in the Creator of our lives and of the world we live in, to faithfully lead us in the way that He knows is best for us?
There have been some experiences in my own life that have been a test of my faith and certainly they have built my faith greatly. (2 Corinthians 5:7...“For we walk by faith, not by sight.”) Through these types of experiences, we always have a choice to trust Him and look to Him daily for strength to continue on or to turn our backs on Him and run from the purpose that He wanted to accomplish through the experience. (Hebrews 12:2a...“Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith.”) There is always a choice in the way we respond to any situation. There will always be a crossroad and we need to cry out to God our Creator daily for His strength, His grace and His help to persevere to a victorious finish for His glory alone.
Psalm 18:6 “In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 “And he said unto me, my grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.”
We are more than conquerors through Christ who loves us! (Romans 8:37)
Hebrews 12:1 “Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.”
When we leave our lives in the hands of our sovereign Father, we will never be disappointed because His way is always perfect! (Psalm 18:30)
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