Our Parents ~ Part 1

by Tiffany S.
from Virtuous Daughters, August 2014~Volume 14, Number 4

Lately I have been pondering the tremendous blessing of my loving parents. I have always been grateful for them, of course; but as I grow older, I notice even more keenly their fervency in prayers, their perpetual sacrifices, and the immense responsibility which they take quite seriously. In this article, I hope to convey to my sisters in Christ some thoughts regarding how we can express our gratitude to our parents, practical ways to be a blessing to them, and ideas for a deeper relationship with them.

When considering a passage of Scripture to describe my mom, I have always thought of 1 Corinthians 13, the beautiful illustration of love itself. And today, as I reflect on the past almost twenty-six years my parents have invested their lives into mine, I see that 1 John 3:16 vividly encompasses the story of their parenthood journey: “Hereby perceive we the love of God, because He laid down His life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.” They have most certainly “laid down their lives” for their children, putting us first in everything they do.
   
I see my father...working tirelessly, countless hours, to provide for our financial needs and beyond; laying aside personal projects to focus on some project of ours; leading us in the ways of the Lord; patiently teaching us life skills (often overlooking our flops); driving 24 hours straight to take me to a friend’s wedding...that is just a small sampling!
   
I see my mother...constantly sacrificing in large and small ways each day—putting us first in literally everything she does; effectual, fervent prayers ascending from her lips; taking time to share godly counsel or motherly sympathy; running various errands all over town...there is no end to the examples I could give!
   
They have listened to me, prayed for me, and prayed with me. They have allowed me the privilege of talking to them, sharing my struggles, always providing godly counsel and encouragement. They have surprised me with acts of thoughtfulness that I could have never imagined. They have, in every sense of the word, “trained me in the way I should go.” By God’s grace, may I never depart from it.
   
Every day, I see the love of Christ exuding from my parents, who consider it their joy and privilege to lay down their lives for their eight children. Every day, I am reaping eternal blessing because of good seeds they have sown into my life. And someday, Lord willing, my future family will also be impacted by the consistent sacrifices my parents have made to mold me into the person I am today. Every day, I am exceedingly blessed, overwhelmingly grateful.
   
We owe so much to our parents—I mean, where would we be without them? J They chose to embrace children—which God calls a blessing and heritage—in an age when it would have been very easy to settle a self-centered life of “ease” and worldly success. Yet, how could we “repay” them for their endless giving? I remember as a young girl, wishing I had millions of dollars to give to my parents as my gift of thanks. But even that seemed to pale in comparison to the constant, faithful lives of sacrifice they lived out before me. I realized that their love for and devotion to me was truly a priceless treasure.
   
And yet, though it is true that we could never “reimburse” them for what they have given to us, the Lord has placed before us a unique opportunity. He is allowing us a small window of time in which to fully express to them our gratefulness, honor, and love. During this season of life, we have been endued with maximum strength, youth, and energy. It is such a beautiful, priceless opportunity! If we are truly grateful to and for our parents, we will demonstrate that to them through words and actions. 1 John 3:18 should convict us: “My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.”
   
I cannot convey to you what inexpressible joy it is to me to live among a loving family and be a part of their daily lives. I am especially enjoying these days to focus on truly investing in the people I cherish most—my family! It has been said that your largest sphere of influence is in your own home. While encouraging those outside of our family is certainly an important aspect of our ministry as Christian young women, our primary focus should be our families. Let us seek to proactively make an eternal impact right where God has wisely placed us.
     
Yes, it might seem more humble than doing “great works” that all will notice and acclaim, but it is these smaller, less noticeable acts that actually prepare us for a life of faithfulness in larger ways as well. Note that God prepared David for an extraordinary job (defeating Goliath) through his faithfulness in ordinary jobs. (See 1 Samuel 17:37.) Let’s look at a few ways to express our love for our parents, as well as ideas for deepening our relationship with them.
 
    RESPECT & HONOR. Apart from God Himself, there is no one we are more indebted to love, appreciate, and honor than our parents. God’s Word is replete with commands to honor them; how utterly grieving to see the disrespect and ingratitude of some young people today. Proverbs 30:17 thrusts forth a sober warning: “The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it.” My dear sisters, we are immensely indebted to our parents; our deep gratitude should produce a natural desire to honor our parents—not only in their presence, but to others, as well!
    Honoring our parents does not stop when we become adults, get married, move away—nor does it end when they are elderly and no longer able to care for us (or perhaps even themselves). God desires that we honor our parents our entire lives and pass on their legacy to coming generations. (See Ephesians 6:2-3; Psalm 78:1-8; 1 Timothy 5:4; Proverbs 1:8-9, 2:1-5, 3:1-4, 4:1-4, 19:26, 23:22-26.) Do we have a deep, pervading honor for our parents? Do we possess a fierce loyalty to our parents, a love for and appreciation to them? Are we seeking to learn all we can from their wisdom and godly counsel? Will the next generation possess an honor for our parents as well, because we were faithful to preserve their legacy and pass down an attitude of honor? Proverbs 4:1-4 paints such a beautiful picture of this: “Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding. For I give you good doctrine, forsake ye not my law. For I was my father’s son, tender and only beloved in the sight of my mother. He taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart retain my words: keep my commandments, and live.”
 
    Honor through “Daughterly Duty.” Recognizing God’s purpose for us as daughters is key to retaining an attitude of honor. The Bible calls us a “heritage,” “gift,” and “reward.” (Psalm 127). To whom have we been given? Our parents! Ultimately, of course, we belong to the Lord, but God has presented us to our parents as “arrows” in their quiver. During this season of our lives, we can support and encourage them in—as well as assist them with—the vision God has placed on their hearts. We can serve them when they need extra help. We can represent them in ministry, just as the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 represents her husband in benevolent acts. As women, we were created to be “helpers” and “completers,” so learning to joyfully encourage and support our parents now is excellent training ground for marriage.
    But if we do not respect and honor our father and mother, how can we possibly accomplish these incredibly vital responsibilities? If we treat them ungratefully, how will we trust their leadership and yield to their methods? If we do not hold them in high regard to others, how can we truly fill the role that God has designed us to fill?

    Honor through God’s Will—all Life Long. Some young ladies seem to think that when they reach 18 years old, their responsibilities to their parents cease and they are free to “make their way in the world.” Yet God’s Word is filled with admonitions about honoring and serving our families, especially as women. Psalm 144:12 describes a daughter’s role in the home as one of beautiful support: “...that our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace.” Additionally, even if God has called us to a sphere of ministry that takes us out of our homes (with our parents’ blessing), we should endeavor to honor them through the ensuing opportunities.
    A young man in his late twenties, who has devoted his life to the Lord on the mission field, explained to my sister, “God gave me to my dad, and molded and raised me up for my dad, so that I can take part in his ministry and carry on the vision God has given him.” Even as a grown adult, he still views himself as a gift to and extension of his parents—to be used by the Lord to expand their ministry and continue pursuing the work to which God called them.
    Such a mindset is not popular in today’s culture, but it is priceless in this generation of selfish autonomy. What attitude do we exhibit regarding our parents and the responsibilities God has given us toward them? “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD: and He shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.”—Malachi 4:5-6
    Note: This is not to say that there are never times when families must forego certain aspects of the close ties of a parent-child relationship to serve the Lord in sacrificial ways, as Jesus explained in Luke 18:29-30 and Matthew 10:37. Yet the attitudes of honor and deep loyalty should remain intact. Jim Elliot believed and practiced this wholeheartedly. Even after leaving his home and family, he faithfully expressed his love and devotion to his parents in numerous ways. His life testimony clearly reveals that though he could not be physically near to serve and spend time with them, he held them in high regard and greatly valued their counsel and prayers. He was also diligent to pray for and encourage his parents.
    In short, we should look for ways to honor our parents as we pursue God’s perfect will for our lives—now and in the future. Our dear fathers and mothers have raised us to be consecrated to the Lord for His purposes. Jesus—God in the flesh—set the perfect example as He honored and submitted to His Father through His earthly ministry. (See John 17:4, 13:3, 8:29; Philippians 2.) As we follow the Lord’s leading, let us seek to honor our parents by being grateful for their training us in His ways and by considering ourselves an extension of their ministry and vision, often in ways that would be impossible for them during this season of their lives. To ponder the invaluable upbringing we have had, from which we will be able to draw when we ourselves are wives and mothers, should fill us with overwhelming joy and gratitude. God has abundantly blessed us!

    Honor through Humility. God’s Word makes a connection between honor and humility. Proverbs 15:33 and 18:12 tell us that before honor is humility. Proverbs 29:23 says, “A man’s pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit.” I have observed some young ladies display a sour attitude of “looking down” on their parents. The belittling manner in which they talk of their parents to others (and sometimes even to their parents) reveals their belief that they are somehow “above” their parents—spiritually, intellectually, or academically. What a grief to those around them! What a pain to their parents! What a tragedy to our Lord, Who hates pride! Dear girls, we are not our parents’ “equal,” and we are certainly not “above” them. They will always be worthy of a place of deep reverence and honor in our hearts and lives. While we may have expertise in areas that our parents are not as familiar with, this by no means warrants us a position superior to theirs. Their very role of being our parents is one to be held in high regard. Pride will always hinder us from being supportive and encouraging daughters. On the other hand, responding to our parents in a spirit of meekness and humility—acknowledging their authority, wisdom, and essential role as father and mother—is true honor. We must be open to their instruction, recognizing their God-given authority and acknowledging their depth of wisdom. This has nothing to do with value, but it has everything to do with order and design. Dear girls, in loving humility, value and cherish your parents as you would a most priceless treasure, because that is precisely what they are.
 
    Honor through Trusting, Joyful Submission. As girls get older, submitting to our parents as adult young women is such a precious thing. The protection they offer is invaluable; but sadly, some girls resent their parents for that blessing. Please consider how rare it is to have this gift in your life, and make a point of thanking your parents for loving you in this way. Do we realize how abundantly God has lavished His goodness on us, to give us parents who desire God’s best for us, and who earnestly seek His wisdom regarding how to guide us into His perfect will?
    You might not agree with your parents on every particular, especially as you mature into adulthood. However, this does not negate the importance of striving to “be on the same team” as our parents, because God gave us to them as a means of support and encouragement. The Lord has given us incredible potential to be a blessing to our parents through an attitude of honor, which overflows into honoring actions.
    This also means trusting their decisions, even if they don’t always make absolute sense in our young, less mature minds. :) There have been times when I doubted my parents’ judgment in a certain matter, but time revealed just how wise it truly was! We must remember that God has chosen our parents as vessels through which He works. He considers authority structure to be a vital part of His design, and He delights in using it to glorify Himself. Proverbs 21:1 explains this principle: “The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: He turneth it whithersoever He will.” Even if our parents do make less-than-optimal decisions occasionally, we can fully trust that God will honor us for honoring them, as He promises. “...them that honour Me I will honour…”—1 Samuel 2:30
     Certainly there may be times when it is appropriate to appeal certain decisions or to share our opinions. Remember that our parents love us and desire what is best for us; they want to hear our hearts...do not be afraid to talk things through with them. However, this should always be done in a spirit of loving reverence and meek acquiescence to their final decision. Our parents are God-ordained authority, specifically used of God to direct us into His perfect will for our lives. J. Hudson Taylor, missionary to China, believed this heartily; he suggested:
     “I have never known disobedience to the definite command of a parent, even if that parent were mistaken, that was not followed by retribution. Conquer through the Lord. He can open any door. The responsibility is with the parent in such a case, and it is a serious one. When the son or daughter can say in all sincerity, ‘I am waiting for Thee, Lord, to open the way,’ the matter is in His hands and He will take it up.”
 
    Each of us should ask the Lord to develop in us the meekness of Christ. Luke 2:51-52 tells us that Jesus Himself—Who is One with God the Father!—submitted to human authority during His childhood. If anyone had reason to be independent of parental guidance, it was our Lord. Yet He meekly placed Himself under the tutelage and guidance of imperfect parents. What a beautiful example He gave to us! Let us seek to be conformed to His image. The Lord delights in developing in us His beautiful character, particularly meekness. (Also see Matthew 11:28-30, 2 Timothy 3:2, and Romans 1:30.)
 
    Honor through Interaction with Others. This is simply overflow of an inner attitude. Especially with our siblings, it is imperative to honor our parents to them. To speak poorly of or complain about our parents to our brothers and sisters is a sure way to foster tension and disunity in the family. If you are an older sister, it is possible younger siblings will come to you occasionally with the details of a frustrating situation with your parents. Be understanding of your sibling’s feelings, but still defend your parents. This is a great way to lift up your parents to your siblings, and to help them understand the importance of honoring them, even if it seems difficult at times.
    We should also honor our parents to friends and others with whom we interact. This can happen many different ways; first, through speaking highly of them to others. (We should certainly never speak ill of them.) We can build their esteem to those around us by acclaiming our parents, deflecting praise to them, or expressing gratitude for them. Again, this should simply be overflow of an inner attitude—not a “duty” that we try to remember when talking with a friend. (We know if it is coming from our head or our heart—and so do others! J)
    Second, we can make a point of honoring our friends’ parents by speaking well of them, respecting their decisions (even if they are inconvenient or don’t make sense to us), serving them, and expressing gratitude to them. Everyone who knows us should recognize in us a love and admiration for our parents. Can they say, “She definitely honors her parents—all parents, in fact!” J I have been blessed in befriending my friends’ parents. Your friends’ parents will especially value your friendship to their children if you honor and appreciate them!
 
    Honor amidst Imperfections. Perhaps it appears that I have set my parents on a pedestal. It is true that I view my parents as the most priceless and precious role models, guides, and blessings in my life. God ordained that they would be my father and mother to help mold me into the young woman He wants me to be. I look up to them, with immense gratitude in my heart for their loving devotion, and I desperately desire to honor them in everything I do. Yet I can almost hear the question being raised, “But parents aren’t perfect—are we supposed to act as if they are?” Of course your parents are not perfect—mine aren’t either. None of us are without sin, and we certainly should not gloss over or excuse others’ (or our) flaws. However, we should choose to overlook our parents’ struggles and focus on their strengths. Proverbs 17:9 explains this principle: “He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.” (Also see Proverbs 10:12.) If we dwell on our parents’ shortcomings (even if only in our own minds), we will find it very difficult to truly honor them from our hearts. However, if we honestly overlook their imperfections and focus on the character of Christ in their lives, we will be blessed indeed—and so will they!
 
                The Foundation for True Honor. Gratitude (again, related to humility!) is such an essential building block in the area of honoring our parents. If we genuinely understand the impact they have had on our lives—and express this through deep appreciation—honoring them from the heart will come much easier and more naturally. All of us should start on the basis that we deserve nothing; therefore, anything God has given is out of His abundant grace and mercy. “O praise the LORD, all ye nations: praise Him, all ye people. For His merciful kindness is great toward us: and the truth of the LORD endureth for ever. Praise ye the Lord.”~Psalm 117 (Also see Lamentations 3:22.)
                If you struggle with being grateful to your parents, consider making a list of what life would look like without their active role in your life. Obviously, if it were not for them, we would not even exist; but imagine for a moment that they were not such an integral part of our lives. Who would help oversee (and in most cases, provide for) our medical needs? Who would offer wise, biblical counsel when we face tough decisions? Who would lay aside their agenda to accommodate ours? Who would offer a listening ear and help us work through personal struggles? Who would teach us life skills, spiritual lessons, and would model by unwavering devoted example? Who would greet us with a warm hug, loving smile, and tender words? This is such a tiny sampling, as all of us can certainly attest! Even if you think that the above illustrations could be handled independently of your parents, we all know that no one can replace their crucial place in our lives. Dear sisters, let us be grateful—truly and genuinely grateful!!—for our dear fathers and mothers who have sacrificed so much for us. It makes honoring them not only simple, but a true delight—all life long.
 
...to be continued