Friendships*

by Tiffany S.
from Virtuous Daughters, August 2005~Volume 5, Number 5

Friendship is no doubt a gift from the Lord.  In each friend He gives us, He always includes a special lesson that stays with us forever.  Friends bring many joys and memories—adventurous hikes, long talks, wet boat rides, sticky and messy crafts, long but fun camping trips, not-so-successful cooking, and sharing how God has been working in each others’ lives.  Thank God for your friends and pray for them each day.  Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loveth at all times…”
   
Personally, I am grateful for the fellowship and encouragement the Lord provided to me through many godly friends.  After a period of loneliness and praying for a friend, He brought into my life several girls who have truly made a difference.  

God’s gift of friendship is beautiful, because as we go through this life each day and one step at a time, they come and go to encourage and strengthen us.  They support and love us.  Friends are a blessing.
   
But with the blessing of close friends comes a caution.  It is a caution that says we must choose our companions wisely.  “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”-Proverbs 13:20 Have you ever noticed that the people you spend the most time with are the people you are most like?  This can be scary, but it is true!  Although most of my friends have been Christians, I have had friends who “rubbed off” on me, even in little things.  When a friend was over for the day, and my mom needed help in the kitchen, if my friend complained, I was likely to have the same thoughts.  If a selfish friend spent the day, it seemed that I was selfish the entire next day!  On the other hand, I have had godly friends influence me for the good.  I remember visiting a friend while she was camping; she set an excellent example of a good sister to her siblings and the next several days I was extra careful how I treated my siblings.  We seldom realize the influence our friends can have on us!  “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.”- 1 Corinthians 15:33
     
We need to be friendly and hospitable to everyone, but we must be very careful whom we choose as close friends.  And, dear sisters, we do choose our friends!  It is not just another girl crossing my path and we’re suddenly companions.  I make a choice to commit to be her friend—to write to her, take time for her, do things with her, and remember her birthday! :)
   
You will never find a perfect friend who loves the Lord with all her heart, trusts in her parents in every aspect, loves her siblings like no one you’ve ever seen, and is perfectly sinless. :)  That is why Jesus Christ is our ultimate Friend and example.  Our friends will make mistakes and sin, just like we do.  We must recognize this, as well as be aware of our own example to them. 
   
But if you have a friend who is completely rejecting Christ, or one your parents highly advise you to avoid, you need to pray for the Lord to work in the life of your friend, and follow your parents’ guidance.
   
Parents are wonderful counselors as to right and wrong friends.  While we are to be kind to and set a good example for everyone, be careful developing close friendships with non-believers or carnal Christians.  Be sure that your close friends are those who encourage you in God’s Word and edify you in your walk with Christ.
   
Choose friends that strive to honor the Lord in all they do.  It has been said that a girl seldom rises higher than the girls she has chosen to be her close friends.  If you choose friends that set a godly example, you will want to be like them, and follow their Christian lead.  “ever follow that which is good, both among yourselves and to all men.” -1 Thessalonians 5:15  George Washington said, “Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.”
   
If you are struggling with finding likeminded friends, use this opportunity to grow closer to the Lord!  I remember when I was younger and I had a minimum number of likeminded friends who I saw very seldom.  I felt lonely and discouraged, and I prayed for a true friend every day.  But God used this time to draw me closer to Him.  He also taught me to make my siblings my best friends.  Looking back, it was one of the best “growing” stages in my life! 
   
As young ladies cross your path, appreciate their friendship.  Enjoy their fellowship.  But be aware who you choose to be close friends. Especially in the case of friends who are really struggling to follow Christ, we can use it as an opportunity to maintain a casual friendship and encourage them in the Lord by setting a godly example.  In these cases, we need to really focus on being a friend to them, and not them being a friend to us. 
   
Also remember to ask yourself not only “what can my friend do for me?”, but “what can I do for my friend?”  This is something I had to learn, and it is a very important thing to consider! :)    The following are a few helpful questions to ask about yourself.  What are you to your friends?
    ª Do I encourage my friends to do what is right?
    ª Do I encourage my friends to honor and obey their parents?
    ª Am I a godly example of a virtuous daughter to my friends?
    ª Can my friends trust that what I say is true and God-honoring?
    ª Do I forgive and continue to love my friends when they wrong me?
    ª Do I share with my friends how God is working in my life and encourage them to do the same?
    ª Do I pray with my friends, and discuss Scriptural truths with them?
    ª Do I share positive things about others with my friends?
    ª Are my friendships built on Jesus Christ or around each other?
 
    The following are a few helpful questions to ask about your friends.  What are your friends to you?

• Have my friends ever said, “Don’t tell your parents…”?
• Do my friends speak disrespectfully or rudely of my parents or theirs?
• Do my friends despise godly authority?
• Have my friends ever encouraged me to do something that is wrong?
• Do my friends gossip about other people?
• Do my friends encourage me in my walk with Christ and in His Word?
• Do my friends desire God’s best and perfect will for their lives?
• Do my parents approve of and encourage my friendships?

    
May the Lord bless you as you have God-honoring, Christ-centered friendships that glorify Him!